SO many changes.

well unexpectedly i go back to work tomorrow. almost a week early. though i have to admit, i'm excited in many ways. i miss working with the kids, working on the farm. i'm still limited in what i can do though, the dr. says i can't lift anything or exert my right shoulder/neck etc over 30 lbs.

i'm having one of those "one of these things does not belong here..." moments.......a great deal of my friends feel like i get screwed by my job. my take on it is this: at the end of the day i have a job that i, for the most part, love; with people that i, for the most part, love; with kids that i, whole heartedly, love; in an economy that is the worst it's been in my lifetime; on an island with an economy that always sucks. i get paid decent given the context. i live in paradise. & for the most part i feel appreciated. i had a moment today where i wondered if i was really just amazingly naive or just ridiculously compassionate & empathetic. i was thinking it was a little bit of both. i don't think i'm naive though. i see beauty & good in most everyone & i'm willing to give allowances considering that. i understand human error. if i don't like my job, i can leave. which is not to say i don't tell them when i disagree with things. i just pick my battles. & i do so lovingly, or i try to.

i'm not really a fighter. my days of power struggle & rebellion are over. i just want to spread magic & warmth anywhere i can. i don't always do that, but i try to. i feel like it's my lot in life to be a positive force in places of struggle & hard times. some times i leave, when it stops feeling good.

but tonight i sat in the hot tub watching & listening to the rain fall after an amazing & magical chiropractic appointment. i've been doing "wall-angels" which is like a "snow-angel" only standing against a wall. amusing for sure!! right now i'm exhausted & the house is quiet, i'm going to stretch out & sleep as that tomorrow i'll be sleeping out in the field for the first time since the accident. this shift is a blessing in a lot of ways, though unfortunately i won't be able to spend any more time with cecily & i'll miss jackie & zoe's sets at edance on sunday!